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What if conflict wasn’t the problem, but the doorway?
No team is conflict-free – and that’s not the goal. But when leaders reframe conflict as a tool rather than a threat, they unlock one of the most powerful drivers of team development.
This week’s post challenges the myth that healthy teams never disagree. Instead, it offers three actionable tools to help leaders use tension as a springboard for deeper trust, stronger collaboration, and long-term team cohesion.
What Conflict Reveals (and Why It’s Not All Bad)
Conflict often signals something deeper:
- Misaligned expectations
- Communication breakdowns
- Competing priorities or values
Handled well, it brings clarity. Left to simmer, it becomes corrosive.
Avoiding it doesn’t preserve harmony, it delays growth.
Conflict is simply feedback. It’s telling you where the growth is waiting.
3 Tools for Turning Conflict Into Growth
Tool 1: Know Your Default Conflict Style
Use the classic five conflict styles as a self-assessment starting point. Avoiding, Accommodating, Competing, Collaborating, and Compromising.
You don’t have to label yourself perfectly, just ask: When tension rises, do I pull back, push through, or lean in?
The goal isn’t to box yourself in – it’s to get honest about your default so you can lead with more intention.
And once you’ve named it, go one step further: How does that default show up in your leadership, and how might it be shaping your team dynamic, especially under stress?
If you’ve taken the Birkman, revisit your report to reflect on how your needs and stress behaviors shape your response to tension.
Tool 2: Pause Before You React
Reflection prevents escalation. Use the 24-hour rule before responding to tension.
Journal or use voice memos to sort through initial thoughts, just like we explored in Difficult Conversations.
Tool 3: Lead with Curiosity and Compassion
Trade judgment for inquiry.
Ask: “What do you need right now?” or “What outcome would feel like a win for you?”
Open-ended questions create space. That’s where resolution starts.
🐘 Don’t Be the Leader Who Ignores the Elephant
We’ve all been there.
There’s tension in the room – unspoken, but undeniable. Maybe it’s the aftermath of a disagreement. Maybe someone’s clearly checked out.
And then someone walks in, smiling, chipper, moving on like nothing happened.
Maybe it’s your leader.
Maybe it’s someone at home.
Either way, you feel it in your body. The awkward silence. The fake normal.
You think to yourself: “Are we really just going to pretend that didn’t happen?”
The fastest way to lose trust is to ignore what everyone can see.
Don’t be that person.
Don’t breeze past the obvious.
Don’t ignore the large mammal staring you – and your team – in the face.
It’s not about calling out conflict with a bullhorn. It’s about naming what’s real, making it safe to speak up, and choosing courage over comfort, especially when it’s awkward.
Founder’s Reflection: A Leadership Wake-Up Call
Our founder often shares how their instinct toward urgency used to derail resolution. Progress was the goal, but speed sometimes came at the cost of connection.
A peer once asked: “You’re building the solution, but are you also building the relationship?” That question reframed everything.
In moments of tension, slowing down became the strategy. She began focusing not just on resolving the issue, but restoring the trust.
And in doing so, she created more space for collaboration and honest dialogue.
