7 Strategies to Understand Yourself as a Leader

It’s amazing how often I hear, “Onika, that coaching stuff only applies to what people do at work.” I smile and nod each time. Here’s the heart of it: while some people may choose to keep their “work self” separate from their “personal self,” the truth is we are who we are – all the time.

It’s essential to understand how we show up – in both good times and in moments of stress. Just like first impressions can last a lifetime, we can’t take back our words or reactions; they leave lasting impressions on those we encounter.

If you know my story, I’m a mom first. In this post, I revisit how a medical crisis compelled me to use my knowledge of myself to ensure I remained poised and present for my daughter when she needed me the most.

Happy reading,
Onika

Your Leadership Style at Work and Beyond

Your leadership style is always at play – inside and outside the office.

Many of us try to maintain a separate “work-self” and “personal-self,” but the reality is those boundaries often blur. When we understand our leadership style holistically, we gain a powerful tool to navigate both professional and personal challenges.

A Day That Changed Everything

I remember it like it was yesterday – the moment I walked into my daughter’s bathroom to find her unresponsive. Fast forward to her being airlifted to a children’s hospital, and after a five-day stay she was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. The shock was immense. Our lives were forever changed.

As a leader, I believe we all have superpowers. Mine is my ability to connect with people. But in this moment, I realized something crucial: my leadership strengths – when under stress – could also become my greatest challenges.

Here are 7 Strategies to Understand Yourself As a Leader so you can thrive.

Strategy 1: Recognize When Your Best Self Isn’t Present

In those first 24 hours, I fluctuated between holding it together and breaking down in tears. The emotional intensity threatened to override my ability to make decisions.

Then, I witnessed another family being escorted out of the hospital for reacting passionately to their child’s situation. That was an eye-opener. I knew if I didn’t control how I showed up, I could be the next parent losing control. It was a defining moment: I had to manage my stress response intentionally. Leaders don’t just react; they recognize when they’re not showing up as their best selves.

Self-awareness isn’t just about knowing your strengths. It’s about actively managing how you show up in moments that test you. The best leaders anticipate their tendencies and adjust in real time.

Strategy 2: Summon Your Best Self

Once I recognized my stress behaviors creeping in, I pivoted. Stephen Covey’s Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence model reminded me that while I couldn’t control the diagnosis, I could control how I responded. I started asking better questions, looking for solutions, and making space for action.

🔎 Want to learn more about control? Check out Spend Your Energy Where You’ll Get a Return

In many ways, I coached myself through this crisis. I had spent years helping others navigate stressful situations, and now I had to apply those same principles to myself.

Strategy 3: Life Will Keep ‘Lifing.’ Learn to Get Unstuck

The reality is leadership isn’t just about steering the ship when the waters are calm. It’s about recalibrating when the storm hits.

I had to actively shift from overwhelm to focus, which meant creating a plan, seeking clarity, and leaning into the support around me.

Strategy 4: Embrace Learning as a Shared Journey

As my daughter began processing her diagnosis, I saw a mirror of my own journey. Awareness. Panic. Then action. Just as I needed time to adjust, she did too.

Leadership isn’t just about guiding others. It’s about recognizing that growth is a shared experience

Strategy 5: Learn to Adapt

By our third day in the hospital, my daughter had barely spoken, and I was drowning in medical jargon. I was expected to absorb two days’ worth of diabetes training while also managing the emotional weight of it all.

Here’s where self-awareness made all the difference. I am a big-picture thinker – I thrive in high-level strategy and long-term vision. But now, I was being forced into a detailed world of medical routines, carbohydrate counting, and precise insulin calculations. The internal conflict was real. My natural instincts clashed with what was being asked of me, and that friction was exhausting.

But leadership isn’t about operating in our comfort zones. It’s about recognizing when we need to adapt. I had to embrace the details, even though they weren’t my strong suit.

🔎 For more on navigating challenges, read Find Success in Difficult Conversations.

Strategy 6: Advocate for Yourself First

Before I could fully show up for my daughter, I had to advocate for my own learning process. I asked for what I needed – slower explanations, big-picture context, and a structured approach that worked for me.

As leaders, we often push ourselves to meet others’ needs first. But you can’t effectively advocate for others if you aren’t first clear on what you need to succeed.

🔎 Check out Invest in Your Growth: You Deserve Gifts That Matter for more on self-advocacy.

Strategy 7: Don’t Do Leadership (or Life) Alone

By the time we were discharged, I had seen an overwhelming outpouring of support from friends, family, and colleagues. That experience reinforced something I coach leaders on all the time: find your people. The ones who genuinely want to see you win. The ones who will step in when you can’t do it alone.

Too often, leaders think they have to go it alone. But the truth is, the strongest leaders surround themselves with the right people: mentors, advocates, and peers who challenge and support them.

Final Thoughts: Your Leadership Matters – Everywhere

What this experience solidified for me is that leadership isn’t something we turn on at work and off at home. It’s in how we handle unexpected challenges, how we advocate for ourselves and others, and how we build the right environments to thrive.