When Drive Becomes a Distraction
Author: Onika Williams
Read Time 5-min | Read post online
You know that moment when someone asks, “Did you hear what I just said?”
And you did. Mostly.
You could probably repeat the last sentence if there were money on the line. But the truth is, your body was in the conversation and your brain had already left the building.
Maybe you were thinking about the email you still needed to send or the decision you haven’t made. Maybe you were three steps into tomorrow or six months into a future that hasn’t happened yet.
Welcome to the downside of being really good at thinking ahead.
Anticipating. Planning. Seeing around corners. Those skills have served you well. They’ve helped you navigate complexity, prepare for change, and build a career and life you’re proud of.
But there’s a point when looking ahead keeps you from experiencing what’s already here.
Sometimes the next thing isn’t more important. It’s just louder in your head.
Finish the Catch
It’s football season, so you’ve probably seen this play.
The quarterback puts the ball exactly where it needs to be. The receiver gets both hands on it and starts turning upfield before he’s secured the catch. He’s already thinking about the defender, the yards after the catch, maybe even the end zone.
Then the ball hits the turf.
He didn’t drop it because he lacked the skill to catch it. His attention simply got ahead of him.
I wonder how often we do the same thing.
As a leader, you’re rewarded for thinking ahead. People depend on you to anticipate what’s coming and prepare for what others haven’t noticed yet. That ability may be part of what got you where you are.
But anticipation and presence are not the same thing.
You can get so accustomed to thinking three plays ahead that you forget there is something in your hands right now worth securing.
When Ambition Trains Your Attention
Ambition has probably given you a lot.
It gave you the nerve to raise your hand before you felt completely ready. It kept you going when the path wasn’t obvious. It pushed you toward opportunities, rooms, and responsibilities that once felt far away.
I’m not interested in making ambition the villain.
But ambition has a natural orientation: next.
What’s the next opportunity? Where can I grow? What could be better? What haven’t I accomplished yet?
That orientation is powerful when you’re building something. It gets complicated when it becomes the primary way you experience your life.
You reach a goal and almost immediately create another one. You get the promotion and start thinking about what you need to prove. You finally take the vacation and need a few days for your brain to arrive with your body.
And it doesn’t only happen at work. You can spend years working to create stability, options, relationships, community, or a home you love, then barely pause long enough to experience any of it before your attention finds the next thing that could be different.
You can be genuinely grateful for what you have and still be chronically focused on what’s next.
That doesn’t make you ungrateful. It does make your relationship with ambition worth examining.
What If You Stayed Long Enough to Notice?
Thanksgiving is coming.
And if I know my people, some of you already know where you’re eating, what you’re bringing, who’s traveling, and which Black Friday purchases require further investigation.
#teamtoomuch.
In a few weeks, maybe you’ll look around and see people you love. Someone will tell the same story they tell every year. Football will be on in the background. Somebody will be looking for a missing serving spoon, and there will be a completely unnecessary debate about whether the mac and cheese is done.
Maybe, in the middle of all that ordinary chaos, you’ll realize: This is good.
Stay there long enough to feel it. Because this is part of the life you’ve been working so hard to build. Not the promotion you might get next year. Not the next house, trip, title, or milestone.
This.
You can become so skilled at creating the life you want that you forget to live the life you created. But maybe that isn’t what you see when you look around.
Maybe this holiday feels lonely. Maybe someone important is missing. Maybe the relationships around you have changed, or you’ve changed. Maybe you’re surrounded by people and still have the quiet realization that you haven’t quite found your people yet.
Stay there long enough to notice that, too.
Presence isn’t pretending to be satisfied with everything as it is. Sometimes presence is how you finally notice what you want to change.
Maybe Ambition Can Build Something Different
What if one of your ambitions for the next year has nothing to do with your title?
Maybe you want to find your people. Invest more deeply in friendships. Build a stronger community around you. Host the dinner. Take the trip. Repair a relationship worth repairing. Start a tradition that actually feels like yours.
Maybe the ambition is to create a life where the people you love don’t consistently get whatever mental bandwidth remains after work.
That counts.
In fact, it may require just as much clarity, capacity, and conviction as the professional goals you know how to chase. This is why I don’t think the answer is less ambition.
The question is: What is your ambition in service of?
Is it constantly directing your attention toward what’s missing, or is it helping you build more of what matters? Can you want the next opportunity without treating this one like a waiting room?
That’s the relationship with ambition I’m interested in.
Not smaller dreams. More intentional ones.
Redefining Ambition
There will always be another play. Your ability to see it coming is valuable, and I’m not asking you to give that up. I’m asking you to notice when thinking about the next play is costing you this one.
Sometimes the work is putting the phone down and realizing, I have what I wanted. Let me actually be here for it.
Other times the work is telling yourself the truth: This isn’t what I want anymore. I’m ready to create something different.
Both require presence.
Ambition will always give you somewhere else to be. Presence asks you to stay here long enough to know whether here is where you want to stay.
Reflection Corner
Where is your ambition pulling you away from something worth experiencing, and where might presence be showing you something worth changing?
You can book a 30-minute or 60-minute coaching session below. You don’t need to come with an answer. We can start with the whisper and figure out what it’s telling you.
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